Strained parents consistently abstain from certain actions that may potentially harm their emotional intelligence.
In an insightful piece titled "5 things emotionally intelligent parents never do, no matter how stressed they feel," comedian and actress Tina Fey provides a roadmap for parents aiming to foster a nurturing and emotionally intelligent home environment.
First and foremost, emotionally intelligent parents do not label their child as "too sensitive." Instead, they acknowledge their child's feelings and offer empathy, understanding that crying is a natural response to a wide range of emotions.
Second, emotionally intelligent parents separate the child from the behaviour, making it clear that love is constant, while discipline is about choices and consequences. Phrases like "Stop crying" or "There's nothing to be upset about" are avoided, as they do not help children process their emotions or learn to regulate them.
Third, emotionally intelligent parents praise effort, not just intelligence. Praising effort helps kids build resilience and tells them that progress comes from effort, not just talent. Instead of saying "You're so smart," they might say "I see you're upset right now" or "It's okay to cry when you feel sad."
Fourth, emotionally intelligent parents never make affection or acceptance feel conditional on perfect behaviour. Saying things like "I don't love you when you act like this" can create anxiety and fear of rejection in children. Instead, they give their kids reassurance, not responsibility, and model healthy coping by handling stress in age-appropriate ways.
Fifth, children praised for being "smart" often start to avoid challenges because they fear failure. Emotionally intelligent parents avoid the "You're so smart" trap and instead praise things like perseverance, hard work, or creative problem-solving.
Change starts with noticing patterns and seeking out ways to parent with more emotional intelligence. Parenting doesn't happen in a bubble, and emotionally intelligent parents know the difference between sharing honestly and dumping their stress on their kids. They help their kids name their emotions and learn to regulate them using the "name it to tame it" approach.
By implementing these practices, parents can foster a supportive and emotionally intelligent home environment where children feel safe to express their emotions and learn to manage them effectively.
